Tag Archives: Jeebus

Three down, two to go


Day of Odin: Spent all day (8-4) training here in Denver. Luckily we got out about an hour earlier than scheduled, so I had a chance to go to the gym. Then, me and my raging headache drove down to Stepford Springs. I had a fantastic meal (seriously, the place where we were has the BEST food) and got to bed at a reasonable hour and because of my Thursday meeting’s late start, I got to sleep in.

Day of Thor: Beautiful day in Stepford surrounded on all sides by really expensive houses and people who make a lot of money and are very religious and are most certainly going to be voting for McPalin. I was allotted five minutes to present an update about my program (material that takes over 4 hours to present at a training) so I did my best and I think it went pretty well, though my heart rate is never that high unless I’m sprinting, so it was weird to feel it like that when I hadn’t been doing any exercise whatsoever. I estimate I spoke in front of 200 people, which is about 4 times larger than the largest crowd I’ve ever addressed, and my news was pretty much all bad, so since nobody threw tomatoes at me I guess I didn’t suck too badly. I snuck away during one part of the day to work out and two people in the resort’s gym were wearing McCain/Palin tshirts. Alan Greenspan was eating his own foot on the teevee.

Later that afternoon/evening there was a going-away shindig for two people in my unit who are retiring, and after the early evening festivities a group of us decided to continue the party at the Golden Bee, a reconstituted 19th century pub where the beer is served by the yard, half yard, or pint, and where a piano man plays requests while the patrons all sing along. A good time was had by all; there was drunken singing and dancing and debauchery of all sorts, and this is the reason there were bees on my boobs (the staff at the Bee periodically toss stick-on fabric bees at patrons).

The shuttle returned me to the resort at around 11 PM and I figured I’d be sleeping shortly thereafter, but I couldn’t sleep until almost 2. So that sucked.

Day of Freya:

Day 2 of a 2-day long meeting is always tough, especially when Day 2 is a Friday. Luckily, we finished early and I got home, unloaded, returned the car, and walked home by 4 PM. It was the end of a very, very long week and I was still feeling a little head cold-ish. Stepford Springs, at least the part where I was, is very beautiful this time of year, but the place gives me the creeps and I was so glad to be back in Denver.

I have another training on Wednesday this week, down in Stepford again, and then up north the week after, and then I am FINISHED. Thank Jeebus.

Because boob touching before marriage is SICK AND WRONG

Saturday was a day of colors: of gray, overcast fall skies; of flaming orange and red and golden trees as we drove up into the foothills; rivers of shimmering gold aspens catching the intermittent sunlight amongst the dark evergreens. I was kicking myself all afternoon for forgetting my camera. Then, because Dan’s parents were out of town we got to use their tickets to the CU-Texas football game. The walk up to the campus was all black and gold (CU) and muted rusty orange (Texas), and someone had put bright yellow-gold t-shirts in the stands, particularly in the student section. Thus, halfway through the (terrible, awful) game, I looked across the stands and noticed the same colors I’d seen earlier: patches of gold amongst darker color. (Some took advantage of the shirts by throwing them down on the field to protest plays or outcomes they didn’t like; the shirts were the same color as a yellow flag). I hadn’t been to a college football game since maybe 2000, and the games I attended while I was in college helped me discover some of my migraine triggers (loud unrelenting noise, humans screaming, the acoustics of such in a stadium). I’ll never sit in the student section at a game again.

But I digress. While I wasn’t impressed with the way CU played (it was really, really unimpressive) or with the CU band (I think I’m spoiled by Cal’s band, which was always great), I was impressed with the blowup doll that was tossed around by students and made its way onto the sidelines at one point, at which time the CU mascot put one of the tossed t-shirts on her. And I didn’t see what happened to her then, though I’m sure she is living a long happy life in a pasture somewhere. Equally impressive was the running of the CU buffalo at the start of the first and third quarters when the team came out. They have a real, live young female buffalo that gets run around the field, surrounded by 8 or 10 handlers, and she runs right into a trailer. Apparently she’s replaced every few years because each one grows up and gets mean. And then she gets to go live a long happy life in a pasture somewhere.

We had good intentions for the remainder of the weekend, but our errands took far longer than expected so the only room that got cleaned was the bedroom (which, admittedly, probably needed it the most). I counted over forty books next to my side of the bed and another 20+ on my nightstand, which are all now back on bookshelves where they belong, and we definitely need more bookshelves or to sell a bunch of books or something, because we are bursting at the seams with all our books. We also bought a vaccuum because the one some friends gave us when we moved into our current place never worked well and recently hasn’t worked at all. Is it funny that buying a vaccuum made me feel more Old and Married than getting married did?

Monday I spent running around like a chicken with my head cut off at work, trying to get everything finished (copies collated and folders stuffed and emails returned, follow-up calls, you know, all that stuff) before heading up to my first training in Glenwood Springs. I left work an hour later than I’d planned so I got to Glenwood right at six, with no time to stop and take photos of the most amazing fall color I’ve ever seen in Colorado. Vail pass was just incredible, as I was driving through with the afternoon sun hitting the mountains covered in bright gold aspen just at the right time. It quite literally took my breath away, and I really wished I hadn’t been driving so I could have just basked in its beauty. Maybe it’s like that every year, but I’ve never driven that way this early in the fall (usually the aspens have already dropped trou by the time I’m getting up there) and so never seen anything quite like it. People say that the northeast has the best fall color, but I’ll put Colorado’s aspens up against their maples any day of the week.

I spent the evening with Dan’s cousin and her husband who live in the area and were kind enough to entertain me for a few hours. I got slobbered on by some dogs and mostly ignored by a cat, saw photos from their wedding four years ago and talked a little politics and a little wine. When I got back to my hotel, I took a warm shower and got into bed, thinking I’d fall asleep right away. But that’s never the case when I’m away from home, particularly when I’m staying in a hotel rumored to be haunted (it was a sanitarium and a hospital at various times in its life), and my eyes were dry and red as I watched my first ever episode of the Duggar show on TLC or whichever channel that plays on. In said episode, Oldest JimBob Jr. (age 20) flew to Florida to ask some chick he liked (also age 20) to marry him. Notice I didn’t say girlfriend, because they weren’t dating (apparently, in the Duggarverse you’re only supposed to start dating/”courting” once you’ve already committed to marrying someone). Of course, he asked her father’s permission first, and he met her with her parents at a restaurant with a whole bunch of balloons and, of course, a camera crew. Nothing says “special” like balloons. So she said yes, took off her purity ring, put on the engagement ring, and they shared an awkward sideways hug. No full frontal contact, since that would be too intimate. And of course, no kiss (they spent the rest of the episode talking about how they were saving that for the wedding day). The two drove back to Alabama together, chaperoned by two of her siblings, and they sure did a lot of hand holding and saying “I love you” and Future OfJimbobJr looked sufficiently Stepford for the role. At one point JimBobJr also mentioned how he knew to look for someone like his mother, and Future OfJimBobJr was enough like his mother to get a proposal out of a horny 20-year-old. So, you know, good for them, but NO KISSING OR EVEN DECENTLY HUGGING BEFORE THE WEDDING? Too far, JimBobJr. Too far.

Needless to say, after watching that I did not sleep well. I woke up in time for a hasty breakfast at my favorite breakfast place in Glenwood (Daily Bread Bakery & Cafe) and then conducted a training from 8 AM to 5 PM. Then I drove the nearly 3 hours home.

I am wiped out and seriously considering taking tomorrow off work for a mental health day, or at least a half day. I would have done it today but had too much to do for the next training which is down in Durango and to which I have to DRIVE (I usually fly) so I will spend all day Monday driving and all day Tuesday training and all day Wednesday driving home. Fall in Colorado, you are beautiful, but you are exhausting.

An open letter from the embryo currently gestating in OfJimBob’s uterus

Dear parents-to-be,

Hi! Thanks for, um, conceiving me. I guess. I’ve heard from the ovaries that it’s not really all that difficult to get to become a baby in this body, because you guys are all about making more babies. Which is OK, but I’ve also heard that I’m going to be baby number 18. What!?!!

Because here’s my issue – how do I know that when I come out of there, I’m going to get any kind of personal attention? From what I understand, I’m only going to get to breastfeed for a couple of months and then I’m going to be passed on to one of my older siblings as part of a “buddy” system so you can get knocked up again and I won’t be the youngest. So which one of my sibs gets me? I hope it’s Jinger, she’s got my favorite name (so far). Of course, you don’t know yet whether I’m a girl or a boy (and neither do I at this early stage, frankly) and there are all kinds of J names you haven’t used yet. I’m rooting for Jermajesty.

I’m also not entirely sure what kind of life I’m going to have. It’s already more than a little stretched out in here, so there’s plenty of room for me to grow, but I’m a little concerned that when I’ve cooked about 8 months or so I’ll just fall right out. I mean, you’ve had 17 of us already. I hope you get one of my older siblings to stand around with their hands underneath you while you’re doing the dishes, just in case. Also, I’ve heard that once I’m old enough to eat solid food it’s going to be tater tot casserole 86% of the time. That sounds kind of gross. Any way you (or whoever cooks, I assume it’s not you since you gestate as a full-time job) can, like, start a garden or join a CSA or something so my siblings and I can get fresh produce? I’ve heard my brothers and sisters look a little peaked. I’m also concerned that if I’m a girl, I won’t get much in the way of education (I’ve heard it’s all homeschooling all the time around these parts, but how do you possibly have time to homeschool 17 kids AND parent them?), and I’ll be expected to marry someone picked out for me and have a boatload of kids myself. But what if I want to move to New York City and become a star of stage and screen? What if I don’t want to have any kids? What if I don’t believe in God? What if I’m GAY!?! I’ve heard that there’s not much room for deviation in the lifestyle you choose to raise us progeny.

Dad, I’m not entirely sure what you do. I’ve heard you dabbled in politics for a while, but it seems to me like mostly what you do is solicit handouts and talk about Jesus a lot. Oh, and try to get Mom pregnant. I’m not sure why you all think it’s a good idea to keep having more of us. Mom’s been pregnant for like 90% of her adult life. I’ve gotta wonder whether she has any identity other than as an incubator. Mom, do you ever have any time for yourself? Dad, how can you expect to pay for college for 18 kids? All in all, this just doesn’t seem like a good idea, to keep having more of us. I’d appreciate it if I got to be the baby. Seems like a good round number, doesn’t it? I thought so.

Sincerely,

Your current embryo

Wednesday Wedding Day: 3 days to go

Hi everybody!

(Hi, Doctor Nick!)

So, we’ve been in California for a few days now. On Friday, we left Denver at around 4 PM and drove north and then west, making it to Evanston, WY (the border of WY and UT) by 11 PM and crashing in an overpriced Motel 6 with a hideous bedspread. We were up and on the road early, me driving, and we drove through Utah and Nevada and California and made it to Chez QIR by around quarter after seven in the evening.

Easter proved to be a particularly frustrating day, as everything was closed, and all the errands we planned to run came to naught. We did spend some quality time with my sister and her fiance and then had a lovely pre- and post-birthday dinner (for Dan and myself respectively) cooked by QIR and eaten by us and Leah and Simon of A Girl and a Boy. It was fabulous. After the dinner and the conversation, we drove up late to my mom’s house, arriving in the wee small hours.

Monday proved to be most productive. I had my final dress fitting which lasted all of ten minutes (it fits perfectly, if just a tad too big and needing to be laced a bit tighter than I’d like); only needing pressing and the bustle to be moved up an inch. We got our marriage license and bought a bunch of booze, acquired the last of the craft supplies we needed for various projects, then went home and looked around the yard at my mom’s flower situation. There will be some we can use from her yard for the wedding, but most things seem to be past their prime – which is OK. Trader Joe’s has some lovely-looking flowers now, and the wholesale place is only a few minutes’ drive from there in Santa Rosa. We had dinner on Monday night with my mom and her friend with whom she ballroom dances. After dinner Dan and I worked on some last-minute projects (cake topper and pulling apart tissue paper pompoms).


Tuesday dawned even more gorgeously than Monday (seriously, it is SO PRETTY up here right now, hooray!) I had a hair trial with the person who used to cut my hair (her daughter and I were in preschool together), and the trial and day-of hairdo cost me a total of $45. Score! Here’s a sneak preview:

Then, Dan and I went up to the club to meet with our banquet captain and the venue coordinator to do some last-minute figuring. We finally figured out how to get all the tables into the space, making sure all the parent tables were near our table but the people who needed to not sit near each other were not sitting near each other. We figured out the ceremony seating and order of entrance, decided what to do with the Great Room, and asked most of our last minute questions, then hightailed it to Santa Rosa where I used my Christmas present from my younger sister, which was a SpaFinder gift certificate. I found a salon in Santa Rosa that took the gift certificate and had a stranger do my waxing for the first time. It was somewhat relaxing and went a lot faster than doing it myself does. We ran another few errands, ordered the cake (one small round for cutting, 1/2 sheet of chocolate with raspberry preserves filling and ganache icing, 1/4 sheet of white chiffon cake with lemon curd filling and vanilla buttercream frosting), and when we got back to my mom’s we worked on some more projects.

I’ve been really stressed out and concerned about my face. The hives, or weird little acne, or whatever they are, don’t seem to be going away, and my face hasn’t been producing this much oil since I was about 12 years old. It must be a stress reaction. So last night I took some benadryl for the first time in a week (it seems to be doing the most good out of all the things I’ve tried) and had a couple of glasses of wine and somehow I ended up getting really sleepy and falling asleep at about 9 PM.

Today is Wednesday, and we have no errands or appointments or plans, really. There’s another wedding-related project we plan to work on (making some sort of thing for us to stand in front of for the ceremony, using sticks/branches from my mom’s yard) and we need to do a couple of little things like have a few of our engagement photos printed. We do plan to go wine tasting and relax a bit, as we can’t start working on flowers until tomorrow. Today at some point I’ll make a list of what all needs to be done on Thursday and Friday and Saturday morning. But right now I’m going to eat my breakfast.

Also, if any of you are still reading this, please implore whatever deities you might have an in with that it won’t rain on Saturday. We were forced to make a call about our tent last Friday before we left Denver when the weather report was saying 70F and Sunny for our wedding day (we canceled the side walls) but now the weather reports are saying chance of showers. NO RAIN, PLEASE.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

This has been a particularly dry week in terms of posting, but I do have some good stuff coming, including photos from Thursday’s excursion to the Botanical Garden just before it started snowing. But I wanted to do a quick update to mention two things.

First, we had to change our wedding date. I’m pretty sure it’s not going to change again, and we have the venue reserved for us on our new date. Here’s how it all went down.

1. My mom called me last night and said first thing, “Your sister called me and wanted to know if you’re sure you have the club reserved.”
“Yes, I’m sure,” I told her.
“Well, she was concerned, and was also wondering if you realized the date you picked was Easter.”
FUCK! I said to myself, Easter? That early? Who ever heard of Easter being that early? and then said, “No, Mom, we didn’t know. We only looked at academic calendars and the wee tiny calendar in the back of this year’s to see the 2008 dates, and holidays weren’t marked.”
“Your sister was wondering if the club does any sort of Easter celebrations, like an Easter egg hunt.”
“I’ll have to call and ask.” While very few of our guests would have a problem attending a wedding on Easter, I knew the club thing was going to be an issue.
2. I called Oldest friend. “Does the club do anything for Easter?” I asked her. “Yeah, they do a brunch and an Easter egg hunt,” she told me. “Why?” “Oh, no reason,” I said. “Except did you know that the date you asked your parents to reserve for us was Easter Sunday?” “You’re kidding,” she said. “The event scheduler person should have been on top of that. Let me make some calls.”
3. I stressed. Hulk stressed. Visiting Friend made sympathetic noises, since she knew a little bit of what we’d gone through to pick our original date.
4. We talked. Hulk decided that he could just arrange ahead of time to take the week after his spring break off, since we’d have to get married on Saturday at the end of the break rather than (as we’d hoped) the Sunday at the beginning.
4. Oldest Friend called back. “Nope, she totally screwed up. Easter weekend is totally taken up by club events, so nobody can use it for anything. But, it’s as of yet unreserved for the weekend before, the weekend after, the entire month of April and the middle two weekends of May.” “March 29,” I told her. “It’s the Saturday after Easter. We wants it.”

And so it is ours, and so it goes. It never occurred to me that Easter might be that early, and none of the calendars we’d looked at showed holidays, so we didn’t even consider. And the event scheduler at our venue dropped the ball as well. So at least we know now, rather than in a few months when one or the other realized and we would have been way more screwed. Though we may have to pay a bit more for catering (it being on a Saturday rather than a Sunday), it’s still March (off season), the venue costs the same, and it might have been hard to find vendors willing to work on Easter. Write it in stone, people, we’re getting hitched March 29, 2008.

And the second thing? Well, the second thing is that this evening, I asked Hulk to marry me and he said yes, and I gave HIM a ring that *I* picked. It looks like this, except without the cheesy engraving:

He’ll wear it until the wedding, and then switch to a wedding band. I think the occasion calls for celebration, so we’re going out have someone else cook for us, and we might even go wild and have a tasty adult beverage we haven’t made ourselves. Crazy.