Middling highs and crushing blows; or, how I’m hoping for the best but expecting the worst


I can’t explain why I haven’t been writing, only that I guess for a while there I was feeling like I was living my life and experiencing things and taking photos to specifically focus on how I would post about them on my blog. Performing my life, rather than living it, I guess. And then because we have no money, we’re not doing much, so what’s the point in writing if I’m not living an entertaining life? But today I have a special request, and later there will be a real, meaty post. So here’s what’s happened in the last month.

We had a great Memorial Day weekend – a day in Berkeley watching Cal baseball with friends who are related to one of the team members (they played Stanford and lost the first game, and the second one got rained out); a Sunday brunch to which I brought Helen Jane‘s lemon cornmeal cookies and chased children around a grassy backyard. I’m still doing monthly mileage goals of biking and walking (and was running but my shoes are pretty much shot now) and got my first flat while on a ride in Geyserville. Dan had to ride home in order to get the car and come pick me up, while I changed my flat at the bike store in town and waited for Dan to bring me my wallet to pay for the new tube. When I got home, I had an email in my inbox from someone at UCSF wanting me to interview for a job by phone.

I walked 90-ish miles, ran 10.5 miles, and biked over 200 miles in May.

The phone interview happened June 1, and then we went to Colorado to watch my cousin graduate as a Master of the World from the University of Denver. It was pretty much the most boring graduation in the history of the world, but the party the next day was fun, and we got to spend time a good amount of time with family and friends on the trip (special shoutout to Kate for coming to see us at Lik’s). Since it was the first time we’d gone back to Colorado since we moved, I wasn’t sure how it would feel, especially spending time in our old neighborhood. There are certainly things I miss about it, but I don’t regret moving, even if we’re still not where we’d really like to be.

When we got back from our trip, I got scheduled for an in-person interview for the UCSF job. We worked on projects around the house and the yard, and I counted down the days, and then something really amazing and awesome was going to happen on June 13 for my floral business but then it didn’t. It wasn’t anyone’s fault in particular, but it started out the week in a spectacularly bad place for my mental health, as hundreds of thousands of people were supposed to see the work I did in Leah and Simon’s wedding and then – nothing. I guess I learned a lesson that trading favors doesn’t always result in one getting the beneficial bits of the trade.

Thursday the 16th was my interview. I wore my green shirt this time, and my pants were looser than I remembered them being. I spent three hours meeting with four different people, one after another. It was a long time to be on; a long time answering and asking the same questions, telling the same stories, over and over. It’s a job I desperately want, but all I can say is that I came away feeling like I did as well as I could. When I interviewed, I was told that I was the first person interviewed (of either two or three) and they were still working on scheduling the other interviews, so I should hear something by today (either the other interview(s) hadn’t happened yet, or they had and they were working on making a decision).

We went to a family party for Scarlett, now back in California briefly before her next big adventure (to Ethiopia and Uganda!), and then I did some other stuff that will come in another post, maybe later today.

Earlier this week, we got a small spot of good news amidst all this upheaval; after several calls from the placement agency saying “Can you do this job?” and Dan saying “Yes!” and then the placement agency never calling back, on Monday he got a call saying “Can you do this job” and he said “Yes!” and then they called him back. So this week while I was tearing out the laundry room floor and removing the kitchen wallpaper and puttying the crack between the trim and the ceiling in the bedroom, Dan was working in Pleasanton and getting paid. So now we have a month’s worth of grocery money. I’m hoping, hoping, hoping that the small spot of good doesn’t mean that I’m going to get a call (or not get a call at all!) from UCSF saying they’re no longer interested in me. I’m not much of a woo person, but at this point I need all the good thoughts from the universe I can muster. So if you’ve read this far, and you’re willing to think positive things toward me getting this job at UCSF, which is absolutely my dream place to work, and which would mean we’d finally have an income and be able to move to the Bay Area and live like normal people again, I think I can use all the help I can get.


6 responses to “Middling highs and crushing blows; or, how I’m hoping for the best but expecting the worst

  1. Hundreds, THOUSANDS of positive thoughts your way, Emily!!!!!

  2. I, for one, am happy to hear that you don’t regret moving here, even though things haven’t gone exactly as planned. I’ve worried about that for you, so I’m glad you’re glad. (And we of course love having you.)

    (And sorry again about the bummer flowers thing. I’m still pretty pissed about it myself, but I guess that’s the internet for you. You’ll still get a hearty post out of me, though, so hopefully that’s something.)

  3. I am sending a bunch of positive thoughts in your direction! Good luck good luck good luck!

  4. Oh, I am crossing EVERYTHING for you. And sending good vibes. And hoping hoping hoping.

  5. Oh good luck, I know what the long wait to find a job can feel like, so I am thinking lots of extra positive thoughts for you!

  6. I have thought nothing but encouraging things and hopeful prayers and a bazillion other things since hearing that they’d not yet called you back as of Friday. I really, really hope this works out for you. A lot.

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