The only downside is that there’s nothing keeping me from cleaning the cat box

Well. That sure was a downer, wasn’t it?

One of the things that has kept me sane, that has kept me from wallowing in self-pitying misery these last 15+ months, is to try to come up with the positives about the whole infertility situation. One of the funny things about it is that I started reading infertility blogs YEARS ago. Like, probably the third blog I ever read (the first one being that of someone I knew, the second being a link in his blogroll, and the the third being on THAT person’s blogroll) was Julie at A Little Pregnant. At the time I started reading, she was still going through the woes and travails of infertility; it was even before she got pregnant with her son, Charlie, who is now nearly six years old. From there, I ended up reading Chez Miscarriage and The Naked Ovary and Here there be Hippogriffs and a whole slew of other infertility blogs. I was never quite sure why I was so fascinated with reading about their lives and their struggles, but one thing that I am glad of is that I never stopped reading Julie’s blog, because she is the queen of finding humor in what is, by anyone’s estimation, a completely shitty situation. See here. So here’s my list of things that are positive and/or humorous about infertility. If you can think of any more, feel free to add to them.

  1. I don’t have to worry about, pay for, or use birth control. Woo!
  2. I can drink as much as I want, whenever I want, and don’t have to think about whether or not it’s a good idea. Because it’s ALWAYS a good idea!
  3. If we want to go on a trip, all we have to do is buy a plane ticket, find someone with whom to dump our cats, and go. We don’t have to schlep any baby equipment, save up vacation time for maternity leave, or be concerned that our destination might not be kid-friendly.
  4. We can accept any and every invitation and plan things as far as we wish into the future, because nothing is going to be interrupted by pushing a baby out of my brewster (TM Jive Turkey).
  5. I never have to devote any mental energy to wondering if it worked this time, if I might be pregnant, or timing sex. Recreational sex only!
  6. The only person’s bodily wastes I have to deal with are my own.
  7. We will totally be able to choose our child’s general due date (or at the very least, astrological sign) because IVF is a process that takes a couple of months. So if we want to have a baby in September, I’d need to start undergoing treatment in November-ish. I’ve never been much of a planner, but getting to kind of decide when my kid will be born is nothing to sneeze at.
  8. I’ll get lots of practice sticking myself with a needle, in case I ever decide to become a junkie.

Now if only I could get people to stop posting those damn ultrasound photos on Facebook…


10 responses to “The only downside is that there’s nothing keeping me from cleaning the cat box

  1. I don’t see cleaning the kitty litter box as a positive though. ;p
    Uninterrupted sleep!

    • Yes! Except that Robin wakes us up at 7:30 AM every morning, and now it’s more like 6:45 because of the time change. Maybe someday she’ll be brave enough to go from the bedroom to the cat box in the bathroom on her own, haha.

  2. Allow me to add:
    1) Never having to vomit in a Taco Bell bathroom because you were shamefully lured hither by their disgusting “Margarita Frutista Freeze” (happened to my friend, not to me, thankfully), and
    2) Never having to buy Preparation H before retirement age. (Not my finest moment)

    • 1) Well, since I’ve never eaten at Taco Bell, I doubt that would happen to me, especially since that sounds really disgusting.
      2) You mean everyone doesn’t use the model trick of Preparation H on undereye bags? I learned it from America’s Next Top Model.

  3. Dang, I got bounced from the blogroll. That’s colllld, pants. Rill cold.

  4. Oh, Emily, I am so sorry. You must really hate me and my facebook profile then, lol! Don’t worry, I won’t take it personally. Pretty soon I’ll post a pic of my baby in his cranio helmet, that isn’t as jealousy inducing!! šŸ™‚ I’m really sorry you are going through this, you have every right to be angry and feel jealousy, children are the best thing in the world and when people are denied the privledge and joy of motherhood it’s heartbreaking. I’m saying lots of prayers for you and hoping it’s your ultrasound I see on fb soon!! ((((Love, Nancy)))))

    • Oh, Nancy, of course I don’t hate you! I love knowing what is going on in your life, so please don’t feel self-conscious. And I’m sending lots of love and good thoughts for Patrick. I bet if you get his helmet tricked out with some stickers, he’ll make all the other babies jealous. šŸ˜€

  5. Back on the list! WOO! šŸ˜€

    Side note: babies in helmets are awesome. They look like tiny Evil Knievels.

  6. 1. For the time being, you don’t have to worry about whether you left the baby in the car on a hot day (I get little panics all the time).

    2. Nipples remain pristine juuuust a little longer.

    3. It doesn’t matter where the ejaculate lands. Same result.

    4. You get to put off potty training a few extra months.

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