Sartorialism

Dear people of the world:

Tights are not pants. Leggings are not pants. Leggings that you bought 25 years ago the LAST time they were in fashion, so they’re all threadbare and see-through, and you’re wearing over white granny panties are DEFINITELY not pants. They make you look like you are wearing a diaper.

Shirts are not dresses. Even if you wear them with leggings or tights (see above). Dresses must be long enough to cover your buttcheeks. If I can see the cheek fold when you are walking in front of me, it is NOT a dress. The only acceptable time people can wear shirts that short as dresses is when they are babies in diapers.

Pick one animal print to wear at a time. Zebra, leopard, and snake may look great in a Noah’s Ark painting or at the zoo, but they do NOT look good all being worn at the same time on your person.

5-inch stiletto red beadazzled plastic stripper shoes are perhaps not the best choice of footwear when it’s less than 20 degrees F outside and you’re walking through an icy parking lot.

Sagged, skintight emo pants make you look like you have a load in your pants. There are no exceptions to this rule for men or women. A correlary: Skinny jeans should not be worn by men. They look good on SOME girls/women, but not many, and they do not look good on men, period.

And what the hell is up with that hairstyle that’s bleached blond on the top and black or very dark brown underneath?

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3 responses to “Sartorialism

  1. Sing it, sister!

  2. I take it you just got back from Walmart. 🙂

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