Blue

Sometimes it is difficult to write about things that I really want to write about, because of my blog audience. Needless to say, those of you who read my blog regularly may have noticed that I’m not posting as much as usual and not writing anything of substance. Part of this is because I’ve been feeling a little blue recently, what with it being winter (though we’ve had sunny warm days this week, it depresses me more to have that kind of weather when everything outside is stark and brown and bare; I’d rather it snow, honestly) and what with having had a cold now for more than two weeks (Day 18, and still not done being sick) and what with the impending arrival of my Official Descent into Decrepitude. That’s right, my 30th birthday is coming up in 5 weeks and I always have a hard time this time of year, but this year is different than most because it’s a big birthday.

I haven’t done anything for my birthday in years other than maybe Dan makes me a cake and a nice dinner. The parties I’ve attempted to throw since moving to Denver never seem to work out, but this year I really wanted to do something to mark the occasion of my becoming one of the hordes of women in this country who are unimportant because we are out of our 20s (because everyone knows, women lose their looks and their importance to cultural relevance once they’re 30+). For a while, I was tempted to just start celebrating anniversaries of my 29th birthday like someone I know used to do, but my Oldest Friend turns 30 a week before I do and she’s embracing the new number in our age so I suppose it would be kind of silly for me not to do the same thing.

I feel like I’m in a holding pattern right now, waiting through the last bit of Dan’s schooling, waiting through the next few months at my job (which is another post entirely that I can’t write for obvious reasons) until our circumstances change and I can leave, waiting for a sign of spring somewhere to give me hope that the world isn’t going to be drab forever. Waiting to see friends and new babies. Waiting to be over this damn cold so I can start running outside again, and refocus on losing a little bit of weight I’d like to lose before we start seriously getting down to the business of baby making. Waiting until our savings account has more padding.

Since there’s nothing I can do to speed the passage of time, I’ve decided to take a page from several other bloggers I’ve seen, to find grace in small things. Mostly I try to stay positive, stay on the bright side of life, but in the dog days of February in 2009 I’m having a difficult time making this happen. So here’s to a recommitment of positivity.

1. I am making a baby blanket for Spats Turkey, and it is going to be awesome.

2. Leftover spaghetti for lunch, so tasty.

3. Finding out the giftmas present we sent for Wombat was received.

4. Renting a cabin in the mountains for the weekend

5. Matching dad and baby ‘staches.

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9 responses to “Blue

  1. February always seems like the worst month. While I am *knock on wood* not currently suffering from a cold, I can totally identify with the frustrations of being stuck in a holding pattern. Good for you for looking for the bright spots, oddly enough that always seems to help me a bit too.Here to the shortest month of the year giving up and finishing already!

  2. OMG, are you kidding? I can’t wait to party with you on your birthday and see what you come up with for a celebration. Karaoke? Pub? Restaurant? I’m pretty excited for it, actually. Eh, the feeling of “30 and not…” comes up for me but I tend to squash it back down.

  3. By the way, I know how you feel. Sometimes I just wish I could speed up time so I could be in business school already, living in same city as Gopal already, nail down a mutually acceptable city already (instead of this waffle shaped land of “most likely New York, but we have to wait and see, but both us hate New York, where else is there to live?”), quit my job already. I take a deep breath and refocus my thoughts on the bigger picture, forest through the trees and all of that. Until then, I also like to take pleasure in small things.

  4. I love this Cul De Sac comic, for those such who have trouble living in the moment:http://www.gocomics.com/culdesac/January was my least favorite month in Colorado, followed by February.But March always rocked, even if it snowed!I am sure you’ll lose a few pounds once winter is over.Regardless, I wouldn’t fret too much about that: the fastest way to lose weight is to run around after a toddler.

  5. February is tough here in New England too….esp when you have a tease of 50 degrees and sunny, then zero. HOLD ON!!!!! March is just around the corner. And a new project (like your baby blanket) always lifts my spirits. As for thirties…”joining the club” hasn’t been bad. You’re only insignificant if you let them make you be! Forget embrace–I plan on screamin’ and shoutin’ through my thirties, and beyond! 🙂

  6. I understand the Blue – this is a tough time of year. And feeling like you’re waiting-waiting-waiting doesn’t help either. BUT! Turning 30 is the bee’s knees, I promise. 30 is a great age to be. I wish I lived closer to take you out to celebrate for your b-day AND for the awesome blanket you are sweet enough to be making for Spats (of course, in 5 weeks I will be EVEN PREGNANT-ER, and might not be much of a party buddy…).

  7. I hope the recommitment works! I have learned that focusing on the positive in my life really does help shift my perspective.

  8. 30 definitely isn’t so bad. I’ve never really managed to have good birthdays either. Just enjoy it- people won’t believe you’re that old yet!But Feb is always the toughest month in wintery areas.

  9. 1. Wombat gifts are AWESOME. I’m about three months behind on thank you notes, so it’s not you, it’s me. The gifts = seriously seriously awesome. (What have we done to deserve you two?!)2. Boy oh boy do I know the agony of the holding pattern. IT SUCKS.3. You HAVE to turn 30 with grace and style, because you have to set a good example for me! :)4. Can’t wait to see you!

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