Sometimes it is difficult to write about things that I really want to write about, because of my blog audience. Needless to say, those of you who read my blog regularly may have noticed that I’m not posting as much as usual and not writing anything of substance. Part of this is because I’ve been feeling a little blue recently, what with it being winter (though we’ve had sunny warm days this week, it depresses me more to have that kind of weather when everything outside is stark and brown and bare; I’d rather it snow, honestly) and what with having had a cold now for more than two weeks (Day 18, and still not done being sick) and what with the impending arrival of my Official Descent into Decrepitude. That’s right, my 30th birthday is coming up in 5 weeks and I always have a hard time this time of year, but this year is different than most because it’s a big birthday.
I haven’t done anything for my birthday in years other than maybe Dan makes me a cake and a nice dinner. The parties I’ve attempted to throw since moving to Denver never seem to work out, but this year I really wanted to do something to mark the occasion of my becoming one of the hordes of women in this country who are unimportant because we are out of our 20s (because everyone knows, women lose their looks and their importance to cultural relevance once they’re 30+). For a while, I was tempted to just start celebrating anniversaries of my 29th birthday like someone I know used to do, but my Oldest Friend turns 30 a week before I do and she’s embracing the new number in our age so I suppose it would be kind of silly for me not to do the same thing.
I feel like I’m in a holding pattern right now, waiting through the last bit of Dan’s schooling, waiting through the next few months at my job (which is another post entirely that I can’t write for obvious reasons) until our circumstances change and I can leave, waiting for a sign of spring somewhere to give me hope that the world isn’t going to be drab forever. Waiting to see friends and new babies. Waiting to be over this damn cold so I can start running outside again, and refocus on losing a little bit of weight I’d like to lose before we start seriously getting down to the business of baby making. Waiting until our savings account has more padding.
Since there’s nothing I can do to speed the passage of time, I’ve decided to take a page from several other bloggers I’ve seen, to find grace in small things. Mostly I try to stay positive, stay on the bright side of life, but in the dog days of February in 2009 I’m having a difficult time making this happen. So here’s to a recommitment of positivity.
1. I am making a baby blanket for Spats Turkey, and it is going to be awesome.
2. Leftover spaghetti for lunch, so tasty.
3. Finding out the giftmas present we sent for Wombat was received.
4. Renting a cabin in the mountains for the weekend